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Saturday, September 7, 2013

Hobo Sapiens - The Master Race?


The following is an excerpt from Oxford Anthropology Annual:

"There are many misconceptions about hobo sapiens sapiens, also commonly known as the American Hobo. Most people believe that the hobo is a member of the human race. However, hobos are a species separate from anatomically modern humans and other hominids. The homeless didn't evolve from humans. Rather, humans, great apes, and hobos all share a common ancestor (the missing link). This is evident in their dentition, as the hobo has a dentition of 2122, opposed to the human 2123. Their more prevalent Y5s are also an indication of their departure from our phylogenic lineage.
"The biggest puzzle of the hobo stems from his inherent nomadic tendencies. Many attempts at integrating the Hobo Sapien failed in the late 1800s. Hobos were rounded up and taught to live in communities, but the hobos would eventually disperse in a matter of time after the barrel fires were low on fuel and the trains steamed up again.

"Hobo culture is peculiar indeed. The male hobos would ride rails from town to town peddling for scraps of food and making humans sexually uncomfortable with their staring. The females were the more agile of the group and the more shy. They traveled often as well but were rarely seen as their agility and quick reflexes helped them hide. The only time a hobo would stay relatively in one area was to raise young. This took approximately three years and after that time they were able to travel sufficiently on their own, although they would avoid train life until their early 30s.

"Little is known about the hobo. Recent anthropological finds are revealing startling discoveries about the cranial structure of the hobo and how it may have been linked to their nomadic nature. For more information contact your local universities anthropology department to hear about the cutting edge news on hobology."

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